Dwelling

One description for dwelling is a house or structure to live in. Another is to focus on one thing, allowing it to take over thoughts and emotion. One dwells in the obsession of the object, event, or thought. I've been a dweller most of my life. It's a killer and a good way to create a house of pain within the mind. Depression can ensue from this. But, depression is also described as anger turned inward.
I once read some q&a from Yoko Ono which she does through her website each Friday. She answers everything and many people asked about how to combat their depression and pain. She said to find something you love to do or create and do it. Enrich yourself with the things you love to do and you can transform.
Pain and struggle transforms into wisdom and can one can come through it stronger and better. The trick is to keep trying and never to give up.

These days

Hearing words expressed by small people still hurt and get to the best of us. I have been fluctuating between normalcy and depression. The depression manifests in the morning most of the time. I try to combat it with my medications, but many times they are useless. I've gotten away from my meditation and Qi gong practice to my chagrin. I do, however, fill my life with volunteer work at an animal shelter, have a few patients, and still have my regular job, which I find unsatisfying. The job, not the other stuff. I'm human. I struggle. When someone says I'm stupid or I am never happy, it only reinforces the sadness and low self esteem I continue to feel. I've decided not to return to a place where I'm constantly torn down. It's self destructive and I don't need it in my life anymore.