instinct and loss

July is one of my favorite months. Summer really kicks in, flowers are blooming everywhere, kids are playing and biking all over the neighborhood, so what's not to like?
However, this July, while beautiful, has been full of lessons for me. This week alone I've experienced the effects of instinct and loss.

Being an animal lover, there is no boundary for the range of emotions I feel for animals. I love them all. But they all have quirks and instinctual behavior just as humans have a conscience and drive to do certain things.
On Monday, my cat was doing her usual morning stalking and watching the house sparrows at my suet cakes. She normally doesn't catch them, but on this day she did. I was in the bathroom getting ready for work when I heard the chaos in the living room. Being naked, I couldn't run to the balcony door without being seen, so I ran back to put on a robe. During that time, after the bird had been trying to fly away it hit a wall and fell to the ground. My cat got a hold of it and I found her tightly carrying the bird in her mouth. I managed to pry her mouth open and remove the bird. I held the bird in my hand, feeling it's loose head since the neck had broken. I held it for several minutes, not knowing the severity of it's injuries. I took a look at the bird's neck, limp and bloody. I took it outside and sat on the balcony with it, watching it die in my hands. Of course I was irritated with my cat for doing this, but it was her instinct that drove her and it wasn't her fault or under her control. Instinct.

On Tuesday, as I was walking through the alley to feed the alley cats, I could hear a high pitched crying. I knew it wasn't a bird and realized it was the all too familiar cry of a newborn kitten. I dropped what I was doing and searched in the direction that the crying was coming from. Finally I found a newborn, maybe a day or two old, kitten in a shallow, small hole. Seeing no sign of the mother, I scooped up the kitten. I was frantic and tried to contact animal control, office closed. Then I contacted the animal shelter and the manager asked if I could foster her for the evening, which I was happy to do. I drove to the shelter and they gave me some milk substitute and a small bottle. When a newborn is found without it's mother, there isn't a great chance that the kitten will live, but sometimes miracles happened. I did my duty and woke up every two hours to feed the kitten. It wasn't taking to suckling like it should; where was the instinct? I did manage to get her, a calico, to eat a little. She seemed strong and would cling to my fingers as I placed my hand in the carrier ever so often throughout the night. In the morning I carried her to the shelter for them to care for her. They never found a foster, so staff had to take her home at night and feed her. Try as they might, she still wouldn't suckle properly. A few days later she died. You have to be aware that this can happen when a newborn doesn't have the mother around, but it still hurt. Loss.

So, I feel that I did what I could to comfort the life and death of two small souls in the world. I can't say I wasn't emotional attached in some way to the bird and kitten. In Buddhism, it's said that we must strive to become detached, because with attachment comes suffering. I can't see how it's possible to be detached and still care about the world and life, nurturing and saving it. It's my instinct to do what I can to ease suffering, but it doesn't go without a sense of loss when things turn out differently than I wish them to. If I were detached, would I have left the kitten to cry and starve into the evening? Did I do the right thing? It's hard to answer these questions without some certainty that all I did was follow my instinct and let my heart guide me to do what I thought was right. But with that comes a price and that is loss. So it goes.

Psychosis - a facet of Bipolar disease

I just read this article and can totally relate. Please be patient an aware of what your loved ones may be going through. Psychosis, bipolar disease is very difficult and you must be open and understanding with those that you love that may have this disorder.

http://www.cedarclinic.org/index.php/understanding-early-psychosis/early-signs-of-psychosis

Vacation

Having just returned from a beautiful stay in the Catskill Mountains, I only wish I could have left my cares there. Returning from such a bucolic place to urban Jersey City is somewhat crashing, and yet comforting. In the mountains there is fresh air, beautiful trees, swallows swooping about over a great pond or river, quiet...the transition back brings back financial stresses, insecurities about the future, a rash that seemed to dissolve along with the stress. But this is home. Where else can I be and do the things that make me who I am? But also, who am I kidding!? I'd give my left nipple to be back in those mountains every day, with no money, and not a care in the world. Is all of this stress really worth anything? Worth your life, your sanity? I think that what we should value in this life is the quiet, the solitude, the peace that comes from just being. I woke up in a fit one evening on our vacation and couldn't get back to sleep. I made some tea, took something to try and calm me down, and went for a walk in the early morning darkness. It was around 4:30 am. The frogs were still chirping, but the birds began to awaken. In the silver light of the half moon, the sun's rays began to filter through the mountains. With the smallest glimmer of light another bird would begin to stir, then another would sing quietly, then another...it was one of the most beautiful moments of the trip. To see the world around me wake up to the sun's light. Not traffic or people walking to bus stops, but nature blossoming to greet the world. My connection to the natural world grows deeper every time I go on these trips. I do my best to ground myself, to see the beauty in the light and darkness, to notice the simple, quieting movement of the water, watch the flora and fauna thrive, and try to return and become a part of it. So much of our modern lives separates us from the Earth. It's time to reconnect and realize that the natural world is ours to be cherished and to nurture. Without it we are nothing, there is no rejuvenation, no solace, no connection of the spirit with the dirt, the sky, the stars, and the universe from which we came. That spiritual connection is so important and should never be lost no matter where life takes us. When we lose our spirit, we lose ourselves. When we lose ourselves, I believe we lose love. Everything has a spirit; every bird, animal, plant, speck of dirt, rock, building...it all has a spirit. Being lost in nature reminds me of this connection of spirit between everything that radiates from one side of the planet to the other, and we vibrate into One.

constant change: Taz the Adoptable Cat

constant change: Taz the Adoptable Cat: Taz is a 10 year old, alpha male cat that I'm desperately trying to have adopted out of the shelter before kitten season at Liberty Huma...

Taz the Adoptable Cat

Taz is a 10 year old, alpha male cat that I'm desperately trying to have adopted out of the shelter before kitten season at Liberty Humane Society. Here is a link to his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/adoptableTaz
He is not a fan of other cats and really doesn't like dogs. He's healthy. He loves to have his head rubbed, but also likes to have his space. I'm sure his sweet personality will truly come out once he is in a home. He purrs a lot, and very easily. Contact has to be on his terms; he's a grown up! Even though he is 10, indoor cats can live to be at least 20 years old, so he has plenty of life left in him. If you know of a family with older kids or a middle to older aged couple who would love a cat, please steer them my way! He's worth it and I just love him to death! Of course I would take him myself, but I already have a possessive 6 year old female.

Is he handsome or what! Please help and give Taz some love!

Liver 3

Liver 3 is a point between the first and second toes, about an inch from the webbing. I needled myself there just now and could feel the air release from my lungs and relaxation spread over me. Liver 3 is the earth point on wood; the Liver being an organ symbolized by wood. The Liver spreads qi throughout the body. All too often we have stuck qi, working long hours, same daily routine, tight in the middle of the body from hunching over a desk or just sitting for long periods of time. Sitting endlessly is proven to be as bad as smoking for people. Needling Liver 3 frees the qi, allowing it to spread through the body and soothe the Liver. Movement and exercise also frees the qi. It isn't natural to sit all day. Try standing up once an hour and breathe deeply. Stand when talking on the phone. Take a walk around the floor during break. In some businesses taking a break is a no no. I say it's a necessity for healthy living and staying alert at work. One should take a break in the late morning and afternoon to feel refreshed and keep a healthy circulation. Try walking outside, maybe just around the building. Any movement is going to be good and keeps the qi from getting stuck. Be well!

constant change: Compassion Fatigue

constant change: Compassion Fatigue: Very recently it was pointed out to me that I had Compassion Fatigue. I had never heard of this and kind of felt insulted when it was pointe...

Compassion Fatigue

Very recently it was pointed out to me that I had Compassion Fatigue. I had never heard of this and kind of felt insulted when it was pointed out to me that I behaved in a negative way and I was suspended for a short period of time. I had to sit back and step away from something that I really enjoy doing. The fact is, the person that revealed this to me was absolutely correct! It is a real syndrome and should be recognized by the care giving profession and those that do volunteer work for people and animals. If the care giver doesn't take care of themselves, they dissolve from lack of self care. One will act out negatively, no longer enjoy what they are doing, and can even exhibit drug and alcohol abuse. As care givers we must become mindful of our own needs and treat ourselves by breathing, meditating, practicing yoga, exercising, eating well, staying hydrated, and getting enough sleep. Preventive treatments such as acupuncture and homeopathic consultation can also help. Bottom line: take care of yourself FIRST, then you can optimally take care of others.

I found this website about Compassion Fatigue. It's a simple site that can assist you in recognizing symptoms that you may or may not have. They have a test you can give yourself to see if you may fit into the profile. Be aware and be well!

http://www.compassionfatigue.org/

SAD Disorder

Seasonal Affective Disorder is quite common during the fall and winter months. It brings on low energy and depression. It can affect your every day life and make it difficult to get through each day. Acupuncture is great for treating Seasonal Affective Disorder. There are points that are used specifically for depression and low energy. I have treated patients with these points for SAD and had great success. I've also experienced the results of regular acupuncture and have found it to be extremely helpful in treating these symptoms. This is the season for quiet, solitude, and resting. Some people would prefer to be active, and that's another key to beating SAD. That's not to say that one shouldn't respect the season and what is required to generate energy and growth in the next season, but one can and will beat these low feelings through acupuncture treatment. What do you have to lose?